Customer: hello I am struggling with feeling like relapsing
Customer: here is my story in a nut shell
Customer: Customer: I am not good at talking about this on the phone
Customer: I will sum up how I was
Customer: I use to take up to 400 10mg tablets per month
Customer: and loved and still do I have got pills off the internet
Customer: faked doctors names on a script
Customer: and paid alot of money on this drug
Customer: but still wrestle with the idea that it is as bad as vicodin, percocet, heroin, or cocaine
Customer: I feel like a fake
If you didn't think it was 'so bad' you wouldn't be thinking about it in the terms that you are. Pharmies are manufactured and formulated for a specific use, you are going above and beyond that formulation and abusing them. is it as bad as vicodin or percocet, depends I guess on your perspective. As bad as heroin, probably not simply because that involves needles. as bad as cocaine, possible because they're both CNS stimulants that can, at the right doses, cause cardiac arrest and other major health issues.
Thank you Nikki it has been strongly suggested that I attend NA and I did once but ever one seem to be struggling with issues that to me seemed more important than my issue like they were struggling with alcholism, heroin, coke, and oxy so I felt embarrassed to even say I abused ritalin.
Fuck that mentality, don't think that way, I assure you people at those meetings aren't looking at you like, "Pff ritalin? big deal" because they know better than anyone just how tight the grip of addiction is, and are generally the LAST people to make judgements like that. You might hear that from other people, people who aren't addicted, but seriously, they don't matter.
And it's not like you haven't likely done some things on ritalin that you'd take back if you could-- i've had adderal, dexedrine, and meth, but never ritalin, but my guess is that it would probably give me the same hyper-sex-drive that those other speeds did, and that doesn't always end well ....
If you think you can get something from those meetings, by all means go. anyone who scoffs at your addiction will be shot down by the other members. In fact, here's a little secret about addicts in recovery-- they love to one-up each other. the stories they tell about their addictions can sometimes revel in "I did an 8ball of pure coke, mainlined a ton of heroin, pounded a 12 pack and then I drank a gallon of gasoline!" while the next guy says "I did all that but after the gasoline I was so wasted I lit a cigarette." I remember one guy, crack addict, i heard him tell the same story three times-- first just to me, about how he blew $30,000 on crack in three months. Later, he was telling a small group of people, and suddenly inflation hit his story, now it was $60,000, and finally, no kidding, it was $90,000 when he told a large group.
Point is, don't worry about others at those meetings, or anywhere you might get treatment. You're going for you.
it's truly hard, the cliche about admitting you have a problem, but once that's done you can get to work on it. good luck...
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