I'm going to answer the concern within your question, because that's what you're really worried about: You are imagining life without your xanax, and while you may want to get clean, the idea of no more xanax, of letting your doctors know that you can't be given xanax, is horrifyingly scary. Sabotage like that seems crazy. But it has to start somewhere. If you seek treatment, they will likely tell you that if you have any xanax hanging around, to NOT take it, because of the detox drugs they give you. Taking it could kill you if taken when you're on those other drugs.
When you emerge from initial treatment, drug companies will still be making xanax, doctors will still be prescribing it. But if you're just going to start taking it again, then you're not ready to clean up.
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