NO ONE KNOWS OR EVEN SUSPECTS I HAVE AN ADDICTION UNLESS I TELL THEM. ITS NOT THAT I TRY TO HIDE IT OR PURPOSELY NOT ADVERTISE IT. I JUS DNT SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS. I KNW I NEED TO STOP, BUT I FEEL NORMAL. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

Denial is how addiction

Denial is how addiction remains successfull at inserting itself into and taking over your life.

You do not have it all together, you aren't fooling anyone. They (the ones who really know you, not the addict in you) know something is not right, your choice of drug is what they don't know...yet.

Needing a substance of any kind to "feel normal" is an excuse to keep using. What is your definition of normal?

The context of your question suggests to me you are young? You need only go to one addiction meeting to recognize you are on a path that if you continue to use anything, for any reason, will cause you to throw everything good in your life away, "just to feel normal". Sadly, addicts never "feel normal" until they get well. Even then it is a life long struggle to stay well.

Use the resources on this site. The life you save will be your own!

NORMAL CAN'T REALLY BE

NORMAL CAN'T REALLY BE DEFINED, BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. EACH INDIVIDUAL IS UNIQUE IN THEIR OWN WAY. I HAVE HAD A PRETTY GOOD LIFE, GREAT FAMILY (DYSFUNCTIONAL) BUT THEY ARE LOVING, CARING, AND ALWAY THERE IF NEEDED. THEY ARE STRICT N DNT PUT UP WITH B/S. ANYHOW, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TYPE THAT HAS TO LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE. (I MAKE MY OWN OUTCOME) NO ONE IS PERFECT, WE ARE ONLY HUMAN. WHAT I'VE COME TO LEARN IS THAT EVERYONES THINKING IS DIFFERENT, AND JUST BECAUSE ITS DIFFERENT DOESN'T MAKE IT WRONG. MY CAREER ADVISOR TAUGHT ME A NEW WORD(S) "EQUIA FINALITY" MEANING THEY ALL HAVE HE SAME RESULTS, BUT THERE ARE ENDLESS WAYS TO GET THERE. SOME PREFER SHORT CUTS, SOME LIKE TO KNOWTHE BASICS, AND I, I LIKE TO TAKE MORE THAN JUST ONE ROUTE & KINDA RESEARCH IT AS I GO ALONG. SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET THAT IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE THAT MADE THESE MISTAKES, RECOGNIZED IT, ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND THEN CHOSE TO GET BETTER, SO TEY COULD HELP OTHERS THAT STRAYED DOWN THE WRONG PATH. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SMEWHAT OF A LONER, THERE FOR HAD LOTS OF TIME ON MY HANDS. BASICALLY IM LAZY AND DO WHATI WANT, WHEN I WANT. I LOVE TO SLEEP. I CUD SLEEP UP TO 16HRS STRAIGHT. AND THATS NOT NORMAL. PLUS IT PROLY HAD A LOT TO DO WITH THE FACT I WAS SEVERELY DEPRESSED FOR YEARS, BUT ACCEPTED IT AS NORMAL. IM CURRENTLY READING A BOOK BY JOYCE MEERS CALLED "BEAUTY FOR ASHES" AND HAVE LEARNED THAT ABUSE (ANY TYPE) LEADINGS TO 'ADDICTING BEHAVIORS'. IN WHICH I HAVE DISCOVERED I HAVE MANY, NOT JUS A SUBSTANCE. ONLY THE TRUTH CAN SET ONE FREE. BUT TRUTH HURTS, THAT IS WHY WE BURY IT. IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY UNTIL YOU FACE IT. THERE ARE 2 TYPES OF PAIN: THE PAIN OF CHANGE OR THE PAIN OF STAYING THE SAME. I KNOW ALOT, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY/WORD THINGS SO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND. PLUS I CAN BE OF HELP TO MANY PEOPLE. BUT I KNOW I CAN'T HELP THEM UNTIL I HELP MYSELF. MY BARRIER IS THAT I DON'T HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM, NO ONE TO TELL WHAT IM THINKING OR GOING THRU. ITS KINDA POINTLESS TELLING STRANGERS, I NEED SOMEONE WHO CARES AND WANTS ME TO GET BETTER. I KNW MY FAM WANTS THAT BUT THEY ARE TOO CRITIZING, PLUS THEY NEED HELP TOO AND ARE WAY IN DENIAL. ANYHOW IM NOT A MIRACLE WORKER, ITS 'ME TIME'. ONE OF MY ADDICTING BEHAVIORS IS 'CARE TAKER' PUT OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE MY OWN. GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO PLEASE OTHERS, BUT YOU CANT ALWAYS PLEASE EVERYONE, SO I NEED TO LEARN TO SAY NO AND FOCUS ON MYSELF AND MAKING ME HAPPY BECAUSE THEN ILL KNOW FOR SURE SOMEONE'S HAPPY. I BELIEVE ANYONE CAN CHANGE AND ITS NEVER TOO LATE. I WILL NEVER LOOSE FAITH AND WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYONE, BUT ITS UP TO THEM TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES. I BELIEVE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND I HAD TO GO TO THAT PLACE TO GET TO THIS PLACE AND THERE WILL BE MANY MORE OBSTACLES BECUZ THATS LIFE. WHAT THEWORLDIS LACKING IS THE ABILITY TO TOUCH THINGS LIGHTLY, TO LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE AND ENJOY FAMILY. TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, BUT MANY FAIL TO REALIZE THAT GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES A WAY AS LONG AS YOU BELIEVE AND DONT DENY HIM. THISE WHO HAVE NO FAITH ARE THOSE WHO STRUGGLE. IM NOT SAYING THAT YOU'LL NEVER HAVE PROBLEMS TO SOLVE, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER, SEE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, FEEL NEW/REBORN. WO BACK TO SUBJECT TO ME NORMAL WOULD BE TO BE ABLE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND WAT TO MAKE BREAKFAST, CLEAN UP THE HOUSE, TEND TO WHAT NEEDS TENDING, MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS UP TO DATE, BE ORGANIZED, HAVE THE WANT TO DO THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT, NOT BE SO LAZY THAT 3-4 DAYS GO BY BEFORE CHANGING CLOTHES OR BATHING, I KNW IT SOUNDS GROSS AND IS, BUT I DNT GO ANYWHERE ANYWAY SO I DNT RE3ALLY GET DIRTY. I LOOSE THINGS, LIKE MY HOUSE KEYS N DIDNT BOTHER TO LOOK FOR THEM.I HAVE MISSED 3 APPTMNTS, QUIET, CLOSED OFF, NUMB. DISORIENTED, LOSS OF PLEASURE IN ANYTHING. WHEN I SELF MEDICATE, I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING THEOPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING I JUST LISTED. MY THERAPIST AND SUPERVISOR BELIEVE I HAVE A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, BUT WHEN I TALKED TO MY PSYCH DOCTOR I WAS PREPARED TO TELL HER. LIKE MY MIND JUS GOES BLANK AND I FORGET WHAT I WAS GOING TO TELLHER SO I JUS SHRUGG IT OFF MY LAUGHIN CUZ I FEEL STUPID NOT BEING ABLE TO PUT MY WORDS TOGETHER TO EXPLAIN TO MY DOCTOR WHAT I NEED NEED. WOW I HAVE BEEN TYPING AND TYPING.I HOPE I DIDNT BORE YOU. I DONT EXPECT YOU TO REPLY BUT YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME. IM GOING TO START SCHOOL WITHIN THE NEXT MONT OR 2 IF NOT SOONER, TO STUDY FORENSICS IN SOCIAL WORK. 2 AREAS OF MY INTERESTS, LAW AND THE WELFARE OF CHILDREN. IM IN MY LATE TWENTIES. THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT

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