My husband is an heroin addict who has had a few relapses in the past 3 years. Whats the best way for me to help him without smothering him while learning at the same time.Heroin is something i don't know much about until now

shelly-
first, relapses are part of recovery. almost everyone relapses, so lesson one is to forgive him his relapses and make sure he forgives himself. they will happen. the key is to not let them continue. you do that by urging him into treatment the moment he relapses.

otherwise, i'm sorry to tell you, there's not a whole lot you can do. overcoming an opioid addiction, any addiction, is a very personal experience, and generally speaking neither spouses nor family have a whole lot they can do to help except get out of the way when they're getting professional help. remember, addiction causes physiological changes to the brain and is, i don't give a fuck what people say in opposition to this, it is a disease--- so ask yourself whether you're equipped to treat a person with a serious disease. If he had cancer would you treat him? No you'd find him help. So just keep in mind that if love and hugs and all that warm stuff cured addiction, there wouldn't be a drug problem.

I imagine that in his time he's probably done some things to hurt you or damage your relationship, so i think that while he's in recovery you should work on yourself, on overcoming that stuff, deciding where you draw the line, etc.

bottom line, if he is intent on using, he will use. that is what addicts do.

Also remember that an addict's priority when addicted is getting his drug of choice. that's priority 1 through 100. you don't come into the picture until then. that's how addicts think. And if you have a 'feeling' that he's using again, don't discount those feelings, they're probably accurate.

if he's a heroin addict, i assume he is or was shooting up. have the both of you been tested for hepatitis and HIV?

anyway, the best thing you can do for him if he's in recovery is look out for yourself. show tough love. i swear to god it's the only love an addict will respond to. sure they may respond initially by running away from it, but at least it's a genuine response and it's the kind that makes them want to clean up. maybe not right then, but later. you can't enable his addiction. don't offer to 'hold' his drugs for him. don't play any such part.