My son, 21 still lives at home. He abuses Xanax and is starting to steal from me. I want to know how to get him to move out. He has no $ becuase he spends it on drugs. We have unsuccessfully spent all our $$ on rehab. Any ideas?

I am sorry to hear about your

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know how you feel. You are fed up! You feel like all of this money has been a waste and nothing is working. Do you know why he keeps using xanax? Have you tried going with him to some support groups so he can see that others are in the same situation. Does he want to quit?

Most likely you have JUST

Most likely you have JUST NOTICED that he is stealing. I strongly suggest that you buy a safe for your meds, credit cards, money, jewelry, and other valuables. Consider placing a key type lock on your room. Most important is to use it.

When he can no longer get the meds easily (using your money or personal property)he may want help or move on. I know this sounds harsh, but you need to protect yourself. You cannot change his behavior, so you need to make it more difficult for him to use you. The hardest lesson I learned is that you cannot love them well.

If he wants help - see what resources are available in your area. But either way you need some support. Can be through church, EAP from work, 12 step programs. . .

I wish you well,

Motts

That's a really difficult

That's a really difficult situation. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that you can't force someone to get help if they aren't ready to. You can't change your son's behavior, so you need to concentrate on changing how you respond to it. I agree with Catherine533 that you need to protect yourself. It's really all that you can do, and it's important that you aren't enabling your son's addiction.

Your son will probably be mad, but if you're acting out of love and concern you don't need to feel guilty. You probably will, though, so I recommend getting yourself some support and information for family members of addicts. You can't make your son get treatment for his addiction, but you can get treatment for how his addiction is affecting you, and it will both help you learn to cope and teach you how best to help him. I wish you lots of luck.

-V-

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