Support forum for family members of sex and porn addicts

Thanks for starting this. I think my friend is a sex addict. He will meet a girl or call some girl heknows, lock himself in his place for days and they do devious things. I believe the tough part is that he also gets drugs involved with his sex which gets things even more dangerous. Looking to meet people in the same boat.

I am the daughter of a child pornography addict. I only found about about his addiction about a year ago. I have been suppressing my feelings about this for a while, because the thought of it makes me sick. I have been recently thinking about my situation, and I would like to know if there is anyone else who has been through this same thing.

Wife-of-sex-addict,

I am in the same position as you. Except that he doesn't seem to know he might have a sex/porn addiction yet despite YEARS of deceitful behavior. He seems to think that all men think/act this way and it is very common.

Unfortunately, I have discovered that I have fallen into the codependent role and am working through that with therapy. He is in the process of deciding whether or not to see my therapist. I have asked the therapist to evaluate him for possible addiction and to help him figure out if he WANTS to stop the infidelity and re-dedicate himself to me alone, even when things are not going well (there are other solutions to not feeling intimacy than going to find it elsewhere). We have been married for 8 years (together for 12) and have 3 kids (ages 6, 4, 22 mos.) Staying together in a healthy relationship would be ideal and something I desire, but uncertainty is around every corner.

I have seen LOTS of failed relationships of this sort on a divorce support website (which is logical). I googled this website to try to find ANYONE who has had a successful marriage with a recovering sex addict. I am hoping to find SOMEONE who can say it is possible and they have done it!

Thanks.

My closest friend (sos) we are in a very complicated relation ship. Is a sex addict of the worse kind. He also is addicted to Chrystal meth. I am joining this group to get advice on where we can get him help. How to get him to agree to get help. Most of all the help has to be free because he spends all his money on speed.
I hope to visit often as I need. But for now it is late and I am going to try to get sleep.
kzarah

I am a porn addict. I have been in counciling for a year and a half and have not had sex with my wife until recently. It had been 1 year 6 months and 3 days since I had sex with my wife. During this time I had not looked at porn. It was 10 day's before I had sex with my wife when I broke down and started looking at internet porn again. Then 10 day's later I had sex with my wife for the first time in a year and a half. If I had only waite those 10 day's I might not be in the position I am in now. In just those 10 day's my addiction had came back and I have found myself right back where I was before and I have once again hurt the one person I love more than anything in the world. How could I have done this? WHY!!!!?????? I am so ashamed and feel so week! What do I do? I don't want to hurt her or my family but somehow do. I am currently in counceling but somehow feel it is not enough. I was doing so well and gave in to the one thing I swore I would never do again. I can't loose her nor can I live without her yet I keep hurting her. I love my family so much but keep destroying the one thing I love the most. I..don't know what's next for me... Help me please....

"....Successful marriage with a recovering sex addict?"

Sorry my answer isn't a more positive one - after years of using internet porn, my husband did finally, admit to the problems (after hitting rock bottom) and go into recovery. After 6 mth separation I noticed a HUGE change and allowed him back to the family home. That was 4 yrs ago but what I have come to recognize and understand about him, is the vulnerability to future addictive behaviors, the sense of selfishness and emotionally immature natures are traits which have never really changed even though he continues to attend a wkly support group for Sex Addictions.

Addictions are barriers to intimacy no matter what the addiction / compulsive behavior. Sad but true.

this looks like a great thread!
i recently divorced my husband who was a porn addict and a sexual deviant
i didn't think that i needed help because i left the situation
but now i find that, in my new current relationship, which is amazing, i have sooo many issues that were not there before.
i am not completely against porn. i think it has it's place in some situations.
but to my ex husband it was everything. it effected how he "made" me dress and look, constantly trying to change my appearance and my natural beauty.
my self esteem plummeted... i wound up getting breast implants, dying my hair platinum blonde, dressing slutty, and working in a strip club. I was continually pressured, on a daily basis, to do sexual acts that i was uncomfortable with. we had sex 1-2 times a day for more than 3 years (and he used porn on top of that very very regularly) and by the end of our marriage i wanted absoltuely nothing to do with him. he was obsessed with how i groomed myself and how he groomed himself in private areas. he 'brainwashed' me into thinking this lifestyle was normal.
now, when i look back, i could just cry for days about how i allowed myself to be sucked in by this.
THAT is not me at all. now, even though i love who i am and am happy, these things have lingered.
obviously i can't do anything about the implants and i do love having them but they give people an impression of me .. that is not me! it makes me sad.
And now in my new relationship... with someone who truly loves and respects me...it is effecting me.
I can't talk to him openly. I hold everything in. When we don't have sex (he has a lower sex drive than i do)..i think "maybe he's a porn addict and is doing that instead of having sex with me".. it's made me paranoid. it's also effected me in that i've continued my obsessive shaving because i feel my new man won't love me unless i do.. even though i know that's not true. I get mad and angry when he doesn't want to have sex all the time because that was my normal. now i just feel like i don't know what a normal sex life and a normal, non controlling, relationship looks like.
Is there anyone else that has been through something like this?! i dont' know how to overcome my issues of distrust and emotional abuse.
thanks you

a sex addict is someone who uses sex-related activities to avoid facing the reality and emotions. i am a sex addict and treated my wife improperly and unrespectfully to serve my selfish and unrealistic needs. i was a person who was not real, living in fantasy and consumed by compulsive behaviour. on top of all, i had very little self-respect and love for myself.
i am a recovering addict and can appreciate and understand the consequences and impacts of my addict behaviour. recover is a journey that is for not only the addicts but also the addict spouses and co-dependents. the most important aspect of living is self-respect and unconditional love for self and for others. it requires true himility and rigorous honesty. one must peel off the many layers of the onion in order to peek through into the core which happens to be pure love and understanding.

Hello all. I am new here. I have recently come to the discovery that my boyfriend is a sex addict. Its all very confusing to me. I have been reading books on the subject, and am trying to deal with all the emotions of it. I just don't know where to turn. There are so many lies, and I just don't know if I will be ever able to trust him after everything we have been through. I do not know if I should even try. He says he is completely devoted to me NOW. I'm so lost.

Hi.. my husband is a sex addict and really wants to stay in the marriage. I am trying to find out if there are any successful marriages with a recovering addict.. Can anyone give me some stories? I truly want to stay in the marriage but am afraid that it wont work..

I am in the exact same situation...what have you done about it? My guy tells me "all guys masterbate and he wil continue even we do start having sex. We rarely have sex. Hewill actually go to the other room in the middle of the night rather than have sex with me.. He says he is attracted to me but just has a problem with intamacy and erection everytime I'm In the mood. I don't know what to believe anymore... He says he don't masturbate as often as I think. Appreciate any thoughts...I won't be offended if some one tells me to WAKE UP

I am the daughter of a sex addict. I only found out about his addiction a year and a half ago. I am mad and hurt.... I don't really know how to deal with my feelings. I also feel sick. When I think about my dad I always feel like I am going to throw up.

I am married to a husband who goes to the strip clubs during the day and lies to me and says he is working. He spends thousands of dollars there and I am left paying the bills by myself. The only option I see is to divorce him. My Mom said to focus on taking care of myself and don't worry about what he does. And of course she says to get rid of him. I feel like sometimes that I am too blame for his behavior although I truly know how could it be my fault?

I am the wife of a porn/ compulsive masturbator and other things..... I am trained as a physician, yet he draws me into his game of spinning the blame onto me. for years, I believed I was the problem, until I got out of the box. After confronting him the first time 10 years ago, he minimized it and said I was not secure enough in myself as a woman. The typical double talk from an addict. I blamed myself, for everything. He watched me lose wait, experience anxiety, cry, etc.... and showed no empathy or understanding when I told him I was a co- addict.
Fast forward- after years of battling this in our home, I sought tx, and began to set boundaries. It has been 3 years since his tx began, and I am still in the same spot with him. Unless he has no rock to crawl under, he isn't forth right, he lies, hurts, and destroys. It was my hope, with a gained knowledge of how his addiction had affected his life, he would see how it has affected our family. I am at a loss-

I am glad I found this. I recently discovered my husband has a porn problem and is a sex addict. He says he will go into therapy and marriage counseling. That he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. But I am so hurt and in so much pain. And have a hard time believing. I just don't k now what to do. This is going on week 2 since I discovered it. I can barely eat and sleeping is so restless. I find more solace at work and in the 30 minute drive back and forth. I don't like coming home at all anymore. I myself am bi polar and though I am on medication this stress and lack of sleep is not helping at all.

I am the daughter of a porn addict. I can't remember how young I was when I discovered my dad's porn collection. It started when my brother and I were flipping through the channels and stumbled across the Playboy channel, or something like it. I might have been under 10. Later, I found some VHS tapes, erotic books, and as I became older, DVDs. I was curious, and watched them and read them. But also embarrassed, knowing that these belonged to my father.

Now I know that I was too young to be exposed to sexual imagery and ideas. And I was exposed to a lot of it.

Then the internet came into our home. Our family had one computer, and it was kept in the living room. It became an unspoken rule that I didn't go into the living room when my dad was on the computer. This was a challenge, because our house had an open floor-plan.

One time, my dad came home from work. I was studying in the living room. He sat down at the computer and started going to porn sites. I got up and left. Didn't he know I could see what he was doing? I was disgusted and embarrassed.

As I got older, the addiction became more glaring. He would stay up late on the computer. I would hear him get up in the middle of the night to go down to the computer. I would wake up in the middle of the night, and hear "sex noises" coming from the computer.

I have no idea if my mom knew or not. Sometimes she would make idle comments about how much time my dad spent on the computer. I'm sure she was in denial.

I'm now 26. I live on my own (well, with my boyfriend). I never slept around, or took-part in any crazy sexual experiences as a result of my father's addiction. But, it is really hard for me to accept the fact that all men don't want a "porn star" for a partner. I have a hard time accepting that some men can be happy with one woman, not needing to use porn/strippers/prostitutes or female objects as a release.

I know this is long. I'm reaching out to see if there's someone out there with a similar experience.