Amphetamine addiction (ie Adderall,ritalin,etc)

Hey JP,

I was on opioids for quite a while. I know it is a little different but getting myself off was one of the most difficult things ever but now I know it is possible.

jp,

i'm in the same boat, and i've just decided over the last few weeks/month that i need to be free of this. sorry that I can't offer much in the way of tips, but maybe talking about the issue will be therapeutic.

everything in my life has suffered as a result of using prescription adderall. for a long time it was my crutch to get through heavy workloads at school... now i find myself taking very unsafe dose amounts just to see an effect. i've lost tons of weight, sleep is screwed, family is freaking out, and my insurance won't cover a detox program.

hope to hear back from you,

em

Hey. I'm new here and came across this post...You guys aren't alone. I've been buying and taking adderall since the 9th grade... Sometimes I'm on and off it depending on when people can sell me some or something¸ but I have such a high tolerance for adderall that it's ridiculous how many miligrams I have to take to even feel anything anymore.

In the past and currently I've been dealing with eating issues and honestly I knew it could help with weight loss so I tried it and loved it. It made me get an amazing amount of work done and actually made me want to do work and of course it makes you feel great and yadda yadda yadda. However many people found out including my Dad and Step-Mother which I no longer talk to...I don't make it known at all that I've continued taking the pills¸ I don't want people to be upset with me or have to deal with any of that crap.

I CANNOT seem to not want to take them and still buy them constantly and I feel it's preventing me from getting better in other area's¸ right now I'm in therapy¸ but am afraid to say anything about the adderall because they perscribed me to Ritalin and I can't imagine not having either pill. In a way I'm afraid not to have them even though I know they are killing me.

I guess that's what addiction is though.
Sorry for the long story just wanted you guys to know your not alone. I wish I could be of more help. Maybe we can help each other and just be supportive. It's hard to find other people who understand and not judge another.
Hope I haven't bored you guys to death and if so sorry.
Good luck and hope to hear from you guys.

-K
Team.Blair.Waldorf@gmail.com
TheBuffyGirl@tmail.com

Its a tough drug to get over. The effects feel positive, because of the extra energy and the down side isn't felt right away. I wish you success!

We all have pain and it is dealing with this pain that makes addiction recovery hard.

JP, Em, GirlsDontCry,

omg i completely understand what you're talking about. I started adderall 3 years ago on 10 mg, now i'm pushing 300mg daily and it sucks not being able to sleep or eat, especially coming up with explanations and excuses. It sounds superficial, but the insomnia really shows through my complexion ;p. It's scary to think of what life would be like without adderall, it's become such a fundamental part of my life. It helped me get such good grades, but it's like I'm fooling myself or cheating.

I think it's a great idea to support each other- i look forward to updates ;) best of luck.

<3,
S

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I found this site just now and was really hoping that someone could give me some kind of advice on what I should do about a huge problem I am facing. This may be a bit long, but please bear with me?
Some background: I was diagnosed as having adult ADD back in 2001 by a well known and highly regarded ADD specialist. My treatment began with a low dose of Adderall, 10mg/day. Of course, that was upped to 20mg for a few weeks. And then it was upped more, and more over the next year or so. I don't recall exactly how long of a time period passed by, but before I knew it, I was being prescribed 270mg/day (yup, nine 30mg tablets of Adderall IR per day). It's all a blur now, but I recall being upped in dosage by about 90mg per day over the coarse of a few short weeks, ending up at 270mg/day. Beginning at a level of about 180mg, things began to turn 'weird' on me. I started getting paranoid quite easily which only escalated as my dose went up. At around 210mg/day, i began feeling as though I was being closely watched and my every move monitored at work by my supervisors. At that time, I had a great job in the IT field and had been working there for about 5 years when it all went downhill on me.It was a very promising, high paying career which I had plans of retiring from at age 62. Fast forward: I hit 270mg/day and my world began to fall apart. I was no longer myself. No one recognized 'me' anymore. I mean, I looked the same as I always did, but my personality, and my perceptions had become totally distorted and twisted. Prior to this, I was very healthy in both mind and body. I never had any 'issues' of any type whatsoever. Well, this mega dosage of Adderall turned me into an uber paranoid freak within a very short time. It peaked when I convinced myself that my two supervisors were 'spying' on me (for no reason, but you couldn't tell me that at the time. I was convinced of this. Bizarre? Most definitely) and I called them on it. Of course, they had no idea what I was talking about since they were not spying one me. It was all in my head. To be continued...

It didn't take long before my co-worker, and others I worked with became accomplices of my managers evil plot against me - all in my mind of course, but it felt so real at the time. Long story short. One night after being awake for two or three nights in a row, I lost it. My home computer I used to connect with my office had become infected with a virus - one like I had never seen before. The next morning, I angrily confronted my managers about what they had done (what I just KNEW they had done. They were out to 'get' me.) and they were speechless - obviously. Think about it. One of your employees confronts you with absurd accusations totally of the blue? Yeah, they were quite surprised to hear my allegations - who wouldn't be? The next thing I knew, I was on my way out the front door with a paid administrative leave of absence for an 'indefinite' period. That was in August of 2003. In April of 2004, my employer informed me that I had been officially terminated from my position. Goodbye to my promising future.
That's when things really started going out of control for me. It was at this point that my dose was at 270mg/day and I began a three week period of drug induced psychosis - I think they call it 'Amphetamine Psychosis'? Either way, it's a well documented condition that is "clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia." It was by far the absolute worst three weeks of my entire lifetime - a living hell. It was bad. And I mean REALLY bad. I started out hearing things that weren't there. Not voices, but bizarre sounds - auditory hallucinations? I don't know the term for it. Well, that was just the beginning of it. I barely slept for the entire three weeks. Serious sleep deprivation in itself causes many problems, and the longer it foes on, the worse things get. But that was only part of the problem. It's hard to describe, but I seriously thought I was going to die. To be more precise, I felt as though something - some sort of invisible 'being' or 'force' was going to kill me. I didn't know what, but it was not human. It was invisible and I was the only one who could feel & hear it's presence. I quite literally feared for my life. My mind was so very far out of control at that point and my condition only got worse each day that passed by. I live with my wife - no children. She saw all this happening to me (What a thing for her to deal with, huh? I feel so bad she had to see me that way. The darkest period of time of my life). She works in the medical field and sees all sorts of things. But nothing quite like this. And though she tried so very hard to understand, and help me through this in every way she possibly could, there came a breaking point where she was desperately trying to convince me that the only thing that MIGHT help me was to get myself into an inpatient program at a psych hospital ASAP. She had given up all hope, and I really don't blame her. I mean, I was doing and saying things that made no sense at all. One night, I began to feel very ill (weird, because I was in a sense already quite 'ill' by then). I was convinced that she had poisoned some food she gave me earlier that night. She gave it her best shot, but couldn't take it any longer. Who could?
I could go on all night with this, but I think you get the general picture by now. For three whole weeks, I was so very far out of my mind that nothing could help me.

And little did I know at the time, but it was nothing more than a case of some serious adverse effects from huge doses of Adderall. Yet, I still took them every day. Had I stopped taking them - or maybe even cut my dose way back, I could have avoided much or all of what happened to me. It was the scariest, most terrifying time of my life. I never dreamed something like that was even possible. But to me, it was most definitely real and no one could tell me otherwise. It was ALL in my head. Every last thing that happened wasn't even close to reality. It was all imagined. My mind played all these tricks on me for no reason. Except, of course, for some serious Adderall induced psychosis. No small thing, trust me. I wouldn't wish that kind of experience on anyone. Ever. All in my head? Yes. But yet it felt so very real. I can only take a guess as to why it finally ended, and that may have been that my body had finally adjusted itself to the much higher dosage I was taking - a higher tolerance to it. I won't ever know for certain, but that my guess.
Enter November of 2008. I have been on a slightly lesser dose of 240 mg/day for some time now which is still way more than anyone should be taking. I have developed a big time tolerance to them. A typical day starts with me downing 150mg's of Adderall. That's more than many people on this drug take in an entire week. I know some may be thinking, " Yeah, right dude. You're so full of it. NO one takes that much at one time." or something along those lines. Well folks, I'm being totally honest about this. I have no reason to lie about this. I really wish it wasn't true. But, it is...

OK, enough background. This is already too long by any meaning of the word, and I sincerely apologize for that. But my mind has become such "mush" that I just can't do even normal things any longer and writing this message is a great example. Most people could have siad all they need to say in like a half page. No, not me.
Here is my predicament: My drug dealer psychiatrist - I began calling him that after realizing he was not looking after me. Typically, I would schedule a 15 minute appointment every four months at his office. Sometimes, I had phone consults with him because I was running late and his office was an hour drive away. He actually went for that with no objections. Anyway, he would say a few words to me, and spend the rest of the 15 minutes entering data into his little notebook computer. At the end of my short 15 minutes, he would hand me four postdated prescriptions and say "Bye, see ya in four months." Great doctor, huh? Real nice guy.
Well, he retired this summer after being a so called doctor for over 50 years.
I have two prescriptions left to my name. BTW, during my last visit, he bluntly informed me "you know, I seriously doubt that you will be able to find a doctor who will write you prescriptions for anywhere near the quantity of Adderall I've been prescribing for you." Nice guy, huh?
That's my boring story. I am left with two prescriptions, and I know I need to get off these things once and for all. But, I have heard all sorts of horror stories about people having serious withdrawals from even very low dosages of the drug. I'm really beginning to get worried about all this. If others have serious withdrawals coming off a low dose, I can't even begin to imagine what I'm in for by my quitting a very long term 240 mg/day addiction to Adderall? Anyone have any suggestions for me? Am I going to have no other choice than to enter a rehab facility? If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I want this evil drug gone from my life. Going on them was a HUGE mistake for me. Sure, they DO help many people with ADD/ADHD - when prescribed responsibly, that is. As for me? I'm totally lost in life nowadays. My brain no longer functions correctly. I've lost several close friends over this, and I'm basically all alone in life with no support system whatsoever. Honestly? I've become a social recluse and my life is a total wreck. I really wouldn't be surprised to find out that I had irreversible brain damage or some other condition as a result of my taking this drug. Too much, for too long.
I'm so very scared to face the inevitable - getting off these evil little orange pills which have run my life for 7 or 8 years now. I have no job, no money, no life, no friends to speak of, no ambition, my teeth have rotted badly from drymouth for so long (a known side effect of the drug), and I'm a wreck - literally. I habe no where to turn to. WHAT do I do? Anyone have any suggestions about how I can best handle my situation? I just want to be normal again. I don't know what that feels like anymore. I want it desperately, though. I will do whatever it takes, but my brain is fried so badly that I don't even knwo what the steps to recovery are. I need some serious help. Anyone?
Thank you for your time in reading this. I'm sorry it was so long.

Wow. Now that is a serious example of prescription drug addiction. I'm so sorry Addy. It sounds that your life has been miserable. I think you need to just check yourself into a clinic and let the professionals help you. Best of luck!

Omg- i totally understand your paranoia...
i feel like everyone is suspicious of me and that i'm doing drugs and they are studying my every behavior and facial expression for signs that i'm a little speedy or something. and when my boyfriend isnt' talking to me, i think he's mad... or he's suspecting... and the tiniest noise makes me jump, a knock at the door scares the hell out of me...

stay stronggggg- i dont think you need to check yourself into a rehab.

I had to travel overseas this summer and I went three months without it. at first it was the scariest time of my life cuz i couldn't imagine what i'd do. I got through it alright, but I know it wouldn't be the same if i were in school.

I"m applying to grad school right now and i'm scared too of moving to a new place and no finding a psychiatrist to prescribe me the meds. I'm running out and I dont have insurance so ti's so expensive every time.

When you stop taking it, you're going to be super super tired, super cranky, and eat ALOT. but it gets better within a week or two.

Stay strong, I understand what your'e going through.

steph_y I totally disagree. Addy really needs some sort of professional rehab. He doesn't seem to be able to do this on his own.