So. I'm not a huge forum person. OK, so I've never posted on a forum before. But I'm tired of retching and looking in the mirror with literally black mascara tears dripping down my cheeks. I feel like a monster.
I don't see any particular reason for my bulimia. I mean, I suppose I get lonely sometimes, or bored. And I love food. God, how I love it! The problem is, I'm a cook so I can basically create food at the spur of the moment, should the urge arise. I go through pretty great lengths when I feel like eating. Which is every day. EVERY DAY. I ate and threw up four times today.
I've never been particularly thin, although I'd like to be. I'm busy pretending I don't care, though, which is why I end up eating some "bad" foods, and instead of being normal and cutting calories from my next meal, etc. I just eat as much as I possibly can and then throw it up.
Obviously, no one understands this and I'm not willing to admit how big of problem I have. I just wanted to see if there are any people who want to stop and...you know, become a support group of sorts. Let's do this. I'm sick of wasting my life.
Hi Cynic,
I just read your post and thought I would reply (since you did mention that not many people do!)...
I am currently in recovery from Anorexia/bulima and have struggled with both for over 25 years.
Having said that, I am now in recovery and I cannot tell you how amazing life is without it!!! Until I began my recovery process (about 4 years ago), I did not have a clue what my life would look like without my ED - I have lived with it as my crutch for my entire life!
Recovery is a slow and sometimes painful process but I just want to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you keep at it.
The best advice I have ever received is "DON'T EVER GIVE UP". And let me tell you, I have wanted to a million times but I knew that I would never be happy if I continued with my bingeing, purging, secrecy, lying, etc. - and everything else that comes with having an eating disorder.
There is always hope and anyone who is reading these posts or has logged on to this website must have some or they wouldn't be here!
If there is just a small part of you that wants to get better, listen to her. Write down what she is saying to you and be gentle with yourself.
If you want to message me, I'd be happy to chat with you.
God bless,
Laura
Hey there. I have been in and out of this forum for a while now. I do with that more people would post rather than just read but remember that everything we write might help people who just want to read and get some support and reassurance.
I battled with my ED for over 2 years and finally got help last year and my life really changed. It hasn't been easy but it can be done. Many different support groups helped. Both in person and online. It can be done and we are here to help.
vanmama and qat,
Thank you so much for your responses! So far I have been "good" for... 24 hours. Haha. It's crazy how I won't binge for 3 days and it will feel like such an accomplishment. I am going to stop. Now. I'm really excited, although this isn't to say I haven't told myself I was going to quit before.
Thanks for the support. Your experience is an encouragement.
Any moment in recovery is a great accomplishment because we all know how difficult it can be. 24 hours is really great! I know it is not easy but I pray that you can keep it going. :D
24 hours is a huge start! If you can do something for an entire day, you can keep doing the same thing over and over - one day at a time! That's great - you should keep reminding yourself how good it feels when you're not bingeing and purging the next time the urge comes up.
Just remember, you still have eat properly (3 meals a day) because if you let yourself get too hungry, it can easily trigger a binge... Also, you have to change your thinking about "good" and "bad" foods - There is no such thing! It was a huge part of my recovery to learn that - it was just a trap. If I thought of food that way, every time I even thought about eating "bad" food, I would end up bingeing and purging! When I learned that I could actually eat dessert (1 piece instead of the entire thing), and not gain weight, it was a very freeing feeling!
Hope this helps...
Keep up the good work!
Naltrexone is not a drug that is new on the scene. This substance was first approved in 1994 by the FDA to assist alcohol abusers safely detox from alcohol. Recently however, naltrexone is being used to treat other conditions. The uses range from its original purpose- alcohol use treatment, to stopping nicotine use decreasing the possibility of kleptomania, heroin and morphine use and even for relief from symptoms of fibromyalgia.
A study conducted recently explores the use of naltrexone in preventing kleptomania. Kleptomania is defined as an individual’s incessant need to steal. It’s often not an issue of what is getting stolen, as kleptomania really has to do with the thrill or excitement an individual feels when stealing. Examples of famous persons who have exhibited kleptomaniac tendencies includes actress Winona Ryder. The study was conducted at the University of Minnesota and included 25 participants, 23 of which completed the study. The study lasted for two months and participants were assessed every two months through self report. Variables measured included anxiety, psychosocial functioning, depression as well as a scale specifically for kleptomania. After eight weeks of treatment for those in the experimental group (those receiving medication) there was a significant decline in the desire to shoplift and actually stealing as well as a decrease in scores of kleptomaniac scales.
Researchers attribute the affect of the drug to the fact that it blocks pleasure centers of the brain which means when an individual steals, he or she will not feel the high associated with stealing. Though other therapy should be incorporated into kleptomania treatment, this was an important finding.
Another study examined the use of naltrexone for alcohol abusers who also smoked. The same principles are in play here, as again, naltrexone’s purpose is to block pleasure receptors in the brain that are activated which substances are used. We already know that naltrexone works to help in alcohol abuse. Many alcoholics, or heavy social drinkers, concurrently heavily smoke. Often, the smoking is triggered by alcohol use. Both of these substances put the user at significant risk of damaging their health permanently. An individual who smokes and drinks alcohol is at a higher risk of dying prematurely from tobacco related complications than alcohol related complications. Since naltrexone is well tolerated, this finding could really assist in long term abstinence to two very serious substance abuse problems.
In terms of heroin abuse, naltrexone use has reduced detoxification from heroin from two weeks, to one day. With further study, heroin detoxification was even reduced to just four to six hours. The implications of this are many. First, it makes it easier for the user, which means he or she will be more likely to try to try to detox. Secondly, is the cost of the detoxification is greatly reduced if an individual only needs to be inpatient for one to two days. It is suggested that uses of naltrexone is best in highly motivated populations as stopping the drug does not have any negative side effects and may result in reduced long term abstinence for those having difficulty abstaining. However, if naltrexone is used for detoxification in conjunction with supportive therapy the results should be long lasting.
Low Dose Naltrexone?
In the case of smoking cessation, naltrexone is prescribed at a dose of 50mg daily. What happens if the dose is reduced to only 5 mg? Well, in the case of a substance abuser, chances are nothing would happen. The naltrexone may not procure any notable change. However, as a researcher at Stanford University recently noted in a study published in Pain Medicine, low dose naltrexone may be useful in the treatment of fibromyalgia, as well as other autoimmune disease including Multiple Sclerosis and Crohn’s disease.
Firbromyalgia is defined as chronic pain in the muscles of the body. These individuals are chronically fatigued and have difficulty sleeping. The discomfort from fibromyalgia which also includes headaches, stomach problems among other things, often prevent these individuals from living full and meaningful lives. The number of people suffering from the disease in the U.S. reaches the millions. Though there are three FDA approved medications for the disorder, they do not work for everyone.
The study was small, conducted with ten women participants. The study participants received the medication for a total of ten weeks. Two weeks they received a placebo pill and eight weeks of low dose naltrexone (LDN). They reported their symptoms on a hand held computer. In six of the ten participants, the LDN given was significantly more effective than placebo at reducing symptoms. Sleep problems, GI symptoms and headaches were also reduced. More research needs to be done, and Stanford is currently organizing to run another larger study on the use of LDN for autoimmune illness. At this point, all the possible uses of naltrexone are not known, however, the studies already conducted and those underway give a sense of hope for assistance in other areas.
Rachel Hayon, MPH, RN
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candy
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http://www.addictionsearch.com/treatment_articles/article/naltrexone-and-its-multiple-uses_78.html--http://www.addictionsearch.com/treatment_articles/article/naltrexone-and-its-multiple-uses_78.html