bare minimum eating + over exercising relationship fears

It's almost an unanswerable question to me. I still struggle, but at times I was getting better sometimes it was through unconditional support and some was through tough love. I would be mad if people intervened, but sad if they didn't. My sister once told me to get over myself and that's been a huge voice in the back of my head to move forward when I'm not doing well. It's not fair as a loved one to have to suffer, but it's not fair for the sufferer either. It's an addiction and it's so hard to get past. It really sounds like she needs help, but as an adult with an eating disorder, it's hard to get until you hit rock bottom and you have to choose to get better or die. Until then things never seem as bad as they are to the sufferer, they know they're sick, but they don't feel sick enough. I'm sorry to say I don't know, but honestly I do not know. You need to give her support, but not enable and how that is done... It's so individual and so hard to predict. You also need to decide if you can handle this for the long run, do you love her enough to have to deal with the constant struggle of when it decides to rear its ugly head. Once you recover, it's not always forever and even when you are "fully recovered", there's still the struggle of getting through each day as a recovered person rather than relapsing. Is this relationship good for her right now? Sometimes if you love something, you have to let it go. You need to let her know how it affects you though, it may not be either of your faults, but if you are together, you are going through it together. Eating disorders affect everyone in your immediate circle and I think ignoring them is one of the worst things you can do, although she will tell you otherwise at first. I don't know if this is of any help, and I hope you can find something to help both of you get through this. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here :)

Your girl friend is so lucky to have you. I am a bulima sufferer and wanted to tell my boyfriend when we were still together, i broke up very recently. i guess it is cos my mood changes that drove him away slowly and always hiding the fact that i am bulimia. I ended it without telling him. Do you think, he will help me if i tell him now? i feel most confident talking to him as i am far from close to my family. If you do not mind me asking, what was your reaction when you first found out your girl fd has this eating problem? I was always so scared to tell as i do not no how her will react. Were you disgusted or shocked when you found out? Anyway, why dont you try going to gym with her and then make her dinner. Also, tell her that she is very very pretty and perfect as it is and would be just as perfect even though she put on a little more weight, only you care is her health and not how she look? Whatever, i truly hope you two will work out. Surely you will. Helen

hi helen i think it will help if you told him. my girlfriend is still at the stage of denying the existence of an eating disorder, when ever it comes up, its always the denial and anger kind of response. The fact that you are ready to talk about it to anyone is a huge step! When i first thought there was a problem there i wasn't sure how to feel, i associated the eating disorders on a material/physical level more so then a mental level. my uneducated point of view mixed with my own issues towards a few materialistic ideals caused a few fights that i really regret. i love my girlfriend dearly and researched everything i could about her individual mix of eating disorders (its a whole mix of a few things, but nothing i havnt been able to research on the internet, all of which are also intertwined) even in the process of me reading more into it, there were a few more fights, which again, i deeply regret. Patience was a thing i learnt along the way, and as said above its something that has to be discovered and dealt with by the person. The fact is that people who dont suffer from an eating disorder will never understand exactly what it feels like. Its so far from "okay you fit the diagnosis, you have an eating disorder, okay, now go get better". its something that took a lot to get my head around. if i think if you were upfront with your boyfriend, and gave him plenty of things to read about what your going through, he will be nothing short of a world of support. Its a terrible thing to suffer from and a terrible thing to live with. By becoming aware of the situation, i think you have put your self in the drivers seat to recovery! and thats usually the hardest part! so congratulations and i hope to read back here in the not so distant future that your well on your way to your full recovery :D Support from loved ones always plays a factor in recovery, as do professionals. i have spoken about seeing a professional with my girlfriend who is extremely hesitant (on the days she admits there is a problem) due to having non helpful experiences when she suffered from anorexia a while ago. There are some amazing doctors out there, its just a matter of finding one that helps your personal situation. so do your research and dont forget that second opinions are worth there weight in gold. so many of the eating disorders still have so many question marks surrounding them, and everyone will take there own very personal journey to recovery. Anything can help, even this forum, reading all of this, and reading a few replies i received from various forums made me feel a whole lot better. Just explore every avenue until you find one thats right for you, could be your boyfriend, a psychologist, a old friend, the internet, anyone! i think thats enough of a rant out of me! i wish you all the best and im really glad to hear your already on the right track :)

You dont need to eat at a bare minimum to lose weight just next time your at the grocery store leave a few unhealthy things behind and bring home a couple of healthy things instead you dont have to do a complete 180 with your eating habits at first start with a few things and build from there. Thats how some private eating disorder treatment programs work you cant just change how people eat if you expect them to get into a habit like that.

Im sure you have spoke to her about your concern. Usually bringing up the eating disorder, the stress, the not eating. Basically, bringing up the normal concerns you have.

Have you tried sitting there and asking her to dream with you? Tell her some amazing things you see in the future for both of you. Focus on the feelings and details of every dream you have for the two of you. The more descriptive your dreams are, the feelings, where you can almost, taste, smell, see every detail the better.

When you look over and she is smiling hopefully snuggled up with you, ask her to share hers with you. The first time leave it at that. It is a huge step, you will have switched the attention and stress from her behaviors. You will have shifted her mind from depression, and stress to someplace full of love, laughter and joy. Leave it there the first night. It will be growing inside of her.

Then keep dreaming together, and then say, "how does this future feel to you?" Im sure she will say amazing. Then ask, if this is what we both want, then what does you being super skinny, out of energy have any part of this amazing dream. Dreams are real, they are the feelings, the love the laughter, the memories. These are the parts of Life's amazing journey, which are true and passionate long after the body loses a non-exsistant perfection.

No job is worth feeling like she is, she must be happy with herself first. Although feeling your helping bringing up the issues only makes it worse. Creating a new feeling, shifting her mind to love, laughter and dreams will do so much more.