Hi all, totally new to this website and possible ed...
I've struggled with my weight since I was about 8years old. I clearly remember one time when I was about 10, having been to a birthday party and feeling so guilty I was trying to force myself to be sick. Since then, my weight has fluctuated, but it wasn't until I was about 19 that i'd make myself sick (succesfully!) after eating too much. I didn't tend to do it that often, just every now and then when I'd really stuffed my face.
In the last year I've been on Reductil- and I have lost about 50lbs. However, since I've stopped taking them it's been much more difficlut to keep the weight off (and I still need to lose another 16lbs easily.) i've been following points on weight watchers, and I'm finding that if I go over my points or blow out completely in the evening, I'm purging afterwards. I lose control and stuff my face, then feel guilty and want it out of my system. Sometimes it's just i've had a big meal- a bbq or a meal in a restaurant- and I feel disgusted that i've eaten so much. then there's the relief of the toilet bowl knowing i can regain some control. It's not after every meal, and I love my food and don't want to be skinny. However, I feel i'm on a slippery slope, it seems to be happening more frequently and begining to wonder if I'm becoming bulimic. Any advice welcome.
my friend used to count weightwathchers points and it rubbed of on me when i was younger. diets etc are very dangerous when put infront of a vunerable, self concious people. i'm 19 and have have bulimia for years. i can't tell you to stop it because that doesn't work. the points are ridiculous, and really tbh you will put weight on purging because you won't ever be able to get rid of everything. not only that, if you haven't got enough nuttrients you body will use the fat reserves. it doesn't matter that you don't do it often, it will gradually increase because you self control will go haywire. i know how you are feeling, constantly looking at the back of packets of food. constantly planning what to eat in the day ahead. it controls you mind and you need to get help before it gets worse. it's curable but only over self control. to me, it sounds like your just at the first stage of bulimia, where the extreme fat/calorie counting is obsessive.
the best thing to do first is to please burn your weight watchers book and go see a doctor. you need to tell someone if you can't tell your family.
I would say yes my dear.
I was following the weight watchers diet 6 years ago, when I started to develop a way of cheating the system. Although if followed correctly I believe it's a good diet and one that works, I did find it overwhelming obsessive. Counting how many points in everything that enters your mouth. Writing it all down, and weighing myself daily, if not more.
I began to binge and purge. I would have a weeks worth of points in one binge, which I feel disgusted to admit. 6 years on I am still struggling. Bulimia isn't about losing weight, I realised this having been 11st right down to 8.5 stone. Whether I was big or small it didn't make me happy. It's a bad coping mechanism for life.
Looking back, I'd had a huge bomb shell hit my life, an issue I couldn't deal with or have any control over. Bulimia was a way of coping without weight gain. Some people turn to drink, drugs whatever, everyone seems to have a crutch in life, a coping mechanism. This eating disorder becomes a habit, and one that is VERY hard to break. They say it takes 6 weeks to break any habit. I've had periods in life, where I have thought I was healed, yet recently it seems to have raised it's ugly head again.
I truely believe it's something that I will have all my life. I hope to god I won't be purging all my life, but admitting I have these tendancies, and knowing the triggers and safe guarding myself. It's similiar to alcoholism. Once an alcholic has admitted they have a problem, they will be an alcoholic for the rest of their life. They may be T total but the tendancies are there.
It's funny when you think about our relationship with food. When one of our children comes in with a grazed knee and is crying, what do we do? We reach for the cookie jar. What does that teach our children? when I'm upset, I eat, to feel better. It's about trying to understand the root of our problem. Is it that you just love your food? or is it something more deeper? At the time (21) I blamed it on weight watchers, 6 years on I can see a pattern, that it's trying to cope with what life throws at me.
I do hope this doesn't become a life time long illness for you, and that you have the power to nip it in the bud. If you are able, be aware also if you're binging and purging how much alchol you're drinking, cigs smoking. I found I would replace one bad habit for another!! I guess it's about learning to live with that obsessive nature.
Good luck and take care xx