Valid and invalid categorizations.

Thank you for posting. I think most of us have been in dark cynical places where we are not happy with ourselves nor the world we live in. I know....I was there for quite sometime. I know it sounds cliche but reaching out and talking about it is a huge step. I hope to hear from you soon.

Take care.

Hello - Well, I am new here also. I have been trying to recover for at least two years now. But I have been aware of the problems, and going through some of the motions for over ten years. When I was 18 or 19 I attended my first NA meeting. Not because I wanted to, I was just fine living my life, but my mom made me go with my little sister or I couldn't move back in the house. So I went. Like alot of people I was not looking for any kind of radical changes in my life, no recovery needed for me, all I really needed was a place to shower everyday, and occassionally sleep. I didn't need recovery, I didn't have anything to recover from. I belived myself to be someone who learned from there mistakes, and the worse my life was going, or the lower I felt about my life at the time, I was learning more, becoming stronger, growing up, finding myself. When I went to the meeting and everyone introduces them selves at the begining of the meeting followed by the "and I'm an Addict" statement, not only did I not say the words, I didn't belive them to be an accurate discription of myself, and to top it off, I proudly stated this information to the room full of people who were struggling everyday with being an addict. I just turned 32, and have been through one round of rehab, and several more AA Meetings. I didn't make my 90 in 90 days, and now I really wish I had, I would like to go back but I am scared, I don't want anyone to know that I am one of probably every recovering addict, that relapsed. Which is stupid, because I know they would welcome me back with open arms. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that Just because I can get high on the weekends, and still make it to work all week, that my parting on the weekends isn't affecting my life, but it is. Anyway, I hope I haven't come across as a super B, thats not what I was going for. I can relate to your situation though, or at least the part of your situation that you wrote about, and what I heard you say in your words. I have learded along the way that what someone says to an addict, and what they hear are often two completley different things. For example, my doctor said take 1-2 Hydrocodien every 4-6 hours, and I heard him say take 4-6 every 1-2 hours. I still don't want to change. For one it's easier to not change. I have to though. I am 32. I have a 4 year old. It's time to grow up. Not to mention that the hard and fast last ten years are catching up with me, and I look like S**T! You are still very young. To young to be dealing with this. Besides, if you are 6'1 and weigh 150 pounds, why in the world do you have eating problems. Heck, I am 5'8 and weigh 183, but just like everything else in my life its do as much as you can, more is better as far as I am concerned, and I did say I am looking pretty rough latley. I may not be helping at all. I am sorry if this came across wrong. It sounds as though you are pretty down right now, but time heals all, and moral support is a great place to start, with anything really. Most of the time you are your own worst enemy. Oh, and one more thought - Heroin, Hydrocodien, oxycoten, you should research how opieates affect your central nervous system, and the rest of your body. Knowledge has always helped me. And you may already know. Ok - I talk alot also - Sorry!! Talking to you about me has helped me relax though, so thanks!