Different girls having sex in all kinds of ways with different guys, and all these people are beautiful and seem to be having a great time, moaning and smiling at the audience, the audience happens to be my husband, who always searches for this type of porn whenever i am not around or when i am around and preoccupied. Why does this hurt me so much? I have answered myself over and over because he is searching for sexual excitement that does not include me... is this a valid reason to hurt?
Or is there something deeper I am missing? Looking for some insight I guess, something I have not thought about to maybe help me understand him and his "searches" and my reaction to them... Yes I have asked why he does it, always the answer "because I like watching them have sex, its entertaining". His exact words each time we discuss it. And my response every time is I feel no longer special, I am no longer the "only" one to bring this excitement to him, it is now me "and" anyone on the internet... Why does this hurt?
For those who think I have no confidence, simply not true.
For those who think I compare myself with his porn, again, not true.
I am simply asking why are we married if he wants to search for others to sexually excite him? Isn't that my job? and if its not, then why get married? I don't know what to think about this anymore. all i know is it hurts when I think about it, and i really am tired of hurting.
Hello S. Have you considered that your husband is addicted to internet porn? In a healthy relationship, both partners are sensitive to behaviors which hurt a loved one. If a behavior is hurting the relationship and a partner has repeatedly and honestly shared the reality of this hurt and pain, why then would the other partner continue to behave in a manner which he KNOWS causes hurt and pain? In a healthy relationship, this would be addressed with compassion and honesty. But if nothing you say or do affects change and the hurt deepens - been there done that.
My partner after years, finally recognized and then recovered from internet porn addiction, yet he continues to be vulnerable to compulsive behaviors, getting sucked in without recognizing the signs, particularly with internet activities. A new episode of another "new" addictive behavior has recently been discovered so now the boundaries are in place, the truth is out and my awareness and determination to survive this latest hell is my focus. This is why I've decided to sign up to this site today.
I highly recommend you visit an excellent site for Porn addiction, support for partners and addicts: http://www.recoverynation.com/
Unfortunately, it is offline until end of Nov - do visit it though and review the notation Jonathan Marsh has left there for visitors. I believe there are still have a few areas to negotiate around in the interm.
I wish you well - once again, it has nothing to do with you - addictions are barriers to intimacy no matter what the addiction / compulsive behavior. Sad but true. Good luck.