Not easy to understand

Speaking as the addict (now clean for years and recovering), it is important for us to recognize that friends and families are not likely to understand what we are going through in our addiction.

Nor are we the addicts likely to know what kind of hell we are putting our families through. It is very easy for blame, judgement, resentment, enabling, caretaking, anger, confusion, denial, and host of other harmful dynamics to exist in the life of the addict and family/friends.

If I could offer one suggestion based on experience, it would be for families to seek help in dealing with their addict family member or friend.

Any 12-step group such as AA, NA, or Cocaine Anonymous, etc would be happy to have a member reach out to a relative. This is how our fellowships work and it is part of our programs of recovery to reach out in this way.

We 12-steppers are not professionals. But we have been there. And this sort of outreach is how our fellowships got started and continue to work today. And we do not charge. It is done as part of our program.

If you have a relative whose drinking or drugging is out of control and you want to reach out to them, try calling your local AA office (or NA, or whatever), and explain your circumstance. They may very well be able to introduce you to some members of their fellowship who will free of any charge whatsoever, reach out to your relative.

Now this does not guarantee that your relative is ready to respond. But if he/she is, this can be extremely effective in getting them some of the help they need.

And never forget that it is a tangled mess. The addict will not be reasonable, fair, or even kind in any way. Unfortunately, it goes with the disease. And there is only so much you can do. But this is a very strong card to play. This is how AA and NA have spread throughout the world in the last 70 years.

I hope you find this helpful.

Ciao.

Chaz