Friend of an Alcoholic in Recovery

You need to convince him not to. Social drinking is a reason for getting back into addictive and out of control drinking.

Hi. I am so frustrated. My dad has been a functioning alcoholic for the 32 years that I have been alive. For the past two years he has been asking for rehab and his doctor has just told him to cut back. Now his heart is having problems and the doctor finally recommended rehab. He is excited and ready to take on the challenge but he does not get paid time off and it is a 30 day program. He can't afford to take the time off and he is using it as an excuse not to. Does anybody know of any short term disability programs that might help him financially while he is out of work? I am desperate. His drinking is making him miss so many events with his family and the older that the grandchildren get the harder it is to explain. I love my dad and want him to see the grandchildren grow up.

I think the issue for friends/family is that THEY can be addicted to the addict just as much as the addict is to their drug of choice. What do they say in "intervention" - we're going to be healthy, whether you are or not? That there's nothing we won't do for your recovery, but nothing we WILL do to let this go on one more second? It's not for you to solve your Dad, to get him into a program, etc. It's your job to be healthy yourself. That means living without secrets. You probably had to 'explain' your dad all your life; don't saddle your kids with that responsibility. And I know he's their grandad and they love him and he does so much for them and they get so much out of their time with him. You can still honor that, and respect that as valid and true. But live in the WHOLE truth, where he's all of those great things AND sick. If grandpa had a horrible contagious disease - like the avian flu - you wouldn't want him around your kids for HEALTH reasons, not because you didn't love him. What's different here? Don't tell me living with guilt, or covering up, or any of that emotional shit isn't any less contagious. I come from a family with C-R-A-P and a dish of my own personal crap to boot. It's SO not as easy as just laying it out in a discussion post. I get that. I'm available if you want to chat. Or vent. Whatever.

Wanted to add that in doing 'everything you can for his recovery, but nothing to keep this going' (one of my 'intervention' quotes - the BIGGEST obstacle is, again, to keep it all within boundaries. Your problem isn't in your not willing to do what it takes to help, but in doing too much. You're acting within unreasonable boundaries, making your dad's problem YOURS, instead of HIS. You're acting to accommodate him, instead of laying out bottom-lines and consequences. You're acting as the one RESPONSIBLE for him, instead of focusing on what YOU can do to be an example - to yourself, kids, etc - of what "healthy" is - emotionally + otherwise. And again, I'm completely talking out of my ass, in that I'm "giving answers" and I'm totally still dealing with crap... like... forever.

hey

What in life is greater than family and friends? Absolutely nothing! As I go through all these crazy workdays and weeks it makes me realize more than ever that the only thing that makes it possible are those closest to me. I am so lucky to have an incredible family that has always been supportive, a wife that always seems to understand and friends that have been there for me through the good and the bad.

Marie