New Member- Binge Eater/Compulsive Eater/Part Time Bulimic

[TimeForAChange]

Hi all,

I'm reluctant to post on here but feel that I have no other immediate options to discuss my story. I guess I need an external third party to talk to rather than the same old friends and family.

My Bio:
-Current Age: mid 20's
-Height: 5 feet 7 inches
-Current Weight: 300 lbs (My heaviest point...I have never broken the 300 mark until now)

-Struggled with my weight and been overweight all my life; have an underactive thyroid which probably only attributes to about 20 pounds of extra weight as an excuse for being overweight
-Always eaten a lot and often (HUGE CRAVINGS which I can never avoid or say NO to)
-Previously lost 105 pounds two years ago in 6 months (went from 281-176) (seemingly transfered my addiction to exercise by achieving such a fast weight loss)
-Bulimic tendencies off and on throughout the past 5 years (purge maybe once or twice a week for a couple months and then stop for a few months"

Current Situation:
-Want to stop falling victim to my dependency on food (whether it is for comfort, celebration, boredom etc.)
-Want to lose weight again but need to "psychological" retrain myself to control cravings, gain control

Hopefully, through this post my hope is to connect to people who can relate to my situation or offer comments, ideas, or any advice!!!!

I look forward to all responses and greatly appreciate any help or comments!!! I'd also like to hear others stories!!!

[color=blue][/color]

[TimeForAChange]

Oh I forgot to mention, I'm female and live Canada.

[bigfathippo777]

Hi there. I am glad that you have decided to write, because I too need someone to talk to. I am very shy and writing on the computer to someone I don't really know makes things a lot easier. So here is my story

I am 27, being a competitive athlete most of my life. I developed an eating disorder very young. Eating disorders also run in my family. So basically I was doomed from the start. I am a bulimic. I binge and purge on a regular basis. I am ashamed and disgusted by it and want to stop. I am a Christian and I know that God does not want this in my life. I know that he loves me and wants better for me. I have hope that I can overcome this disease, but it is proving to be very difficult. I am determined not to give up. I have gone through very hopeless phases of this disease but am feeling a bit more hopeful.

Let me know how things are going. Good or bad and maybe we can start making some baby steps together.
Be nice to yourself

[WomanOfSize]

[TimeForAChange]

For a long time I used to make excuses as to why I am so heavy and unhealthy. I tend to make excuses sometimes to strangers or non close friends that it is mainly because of my thyroid problem. However, like you said it is "your own doing" all of this is my own doing aswell. It is a harsh reality for me to realize that I have done this to myself. I am responsible for it all! I feel that I am not in control. But really I am in control. I just have to fix my mental disconnect between wanting to curb this addiction- I say it all the time... but I rarely put my words into action.

I think I read someones post on her sometime ago that they were an "all or nothing" type of person. I am that type of person too! One of the main things that holds me back is I'm a perfectionist. I want my addiction recovery plan to go perfect or not start it yet. I struggle with the ups and downs and completely fall off the so called "wagon" when recovery doesnt go as I planned it to go. I really struggle with this as I still unfortunately feel I'm not ready (or have the energy) to stop what I've been doing because I know I cant do it perfectly the way I want too!! I dont like failure and I dont deal too well when I do stumble or fail with things! In short, I feel that this is one baby step in the right direction.. but I need a BIG PUSH to believe I can do this and that I will succeed!!!!

[WomanOfSize]

The way I see it, is that we've been set on a path, but it's up to us which way we travel. At this point in time, our EDs have forced us to a crossroads, with this newfound self-knowledge. The direction we choose from here is entirely our choice.

I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person too. So, one thing that worries me is the potential to swing in the opposite direction -- going from extreme self-cosseting to extreme self-denial. It's a lot trickier to find a good balance. I believe that going straight into self-denial would only result in my trading one disorder for another.

One thing I know is I refuse to be fate's bitch. My personal history may have set me on this path, but it doesn't have to end like this, me following the path blindly. Not if I can help it.

We know we're, in a sense, sick. Now we need to work on getting better. And the sooner we both start working on it, the better we'll feel, right?

[TimeForAChange]

"fate's bitch" I love it!!! I realize I have choices and I need to make the right ones. This post has helped me to write down what I think and when you put "pen to paper" your thoughts and ideas become a reality. It has definitely been my first baby step in the right direction.

On a side note, I feel that I did have a good day today. I made a conscious effort to refrain for temptation (fast food)... unfortunately the main reason that is stopping me from fast food is the money issue. I love to save money!!! So saving money has been my motivation to stop eating out... I need to do it for health reasons as well.. but that seems like a low motivator for me.. what is wrong with me... I should want to do this for my health more so than the saving money factor!!

[bigfathippo777]

Hey I say whatever works works. If the idea of saving money is motivating you and it is helping you to be healthier at the same time I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Use your obsessive compulsive personality traits for a positive reason ha! Keep up the good work, just as a warning though be careful with what you write down, unfortunately people are nosey.