Like a lot of people who fall into addiction, I never saw it coming.
I was a hard-driving, success oriented type A and for me, drugs were a pleasant pastime that "took the edge off." Or so I thought.
The pattern is obvious now. Try this and that and play around with whatever is on hand. Nothing too much. Nothing too often. Until eventually you hit on that particular product that just fits so well. Enter Tylenol #4.
If you aren't familiar with the product, it's a mix of acetaminophen (the Tylenol part) with codeine. The #4 refers to the highest strength -- the most codeine with the least acetaminophen. It's preferred because you have less chance of overdosing on the Tylenol part while you are taking more to increase the amount of codeine.
Taking the edge off meant simply changing what would have been a boring situation into a more interesting situation by fogging up the brain a bit. Like all addicts, I knew what I was doing and everything was under control. It's hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there. The way a drug becomes no longer something separate, but a part of who you are.
So yeah, I went down that road.
Now, in hindsight, I'm grateful for the experience. Why? Because it taught me a little about the world and the dangers therein, but mostly because it taught me a whole bunch about myself. I think this is where the wisdom lies. Not so much in figuring out the world, but figuring out how you fit in it.
I'm less type A now and less driven. I've learned that striving for money doesn't fit me. I've learned also, to more easily forgive others their failings and appreciate they may be in the middle of learning a valuable lesson. Would I have avoided the pain? Certainly the pain I caused others.
In the end, looking back, I still have to say, "Thank you, Tylenol #4, you taught me a lot."
